12 Rules to adhere to when talking to a sleep deprived parent...

If you know someone who has a nocturnal child there is pretty much nothing you can say that will be of any comfort to them. My mum always said - 'If you cant say anything nice, don't say anything at all'…but in the case of an exhausted parent it is probably best to say nothing at all regardless. Even if you are trying to be kind or sympathetic the chance are, it wont help. If I seem a tad antsy on the subject, well…I am! My kid will be 2 next month and the amount of times I have had a full night’s sleep since she was born can still be counted on one hand.

If you want to offer comfort to a tired parent, do it in the form of cake (or any other treat you know they like. Nothing you can say will make the situation better but cake will help! The sugar is needed to make it through the day and the very idea of preparing healthy snacks is exhausting. Just to help you out, from my own experience of staring daggers through friends and family, here are a few things to avoid saying...

'You look tired' - I'm surviving on 3 hours sleep a night and I have absolutely no time or money to spend on myself any more. I'm surprised I just look tired and not dead!. We know we are not looking our best, it doesn't need to be pointed out.  

'It’s just a phase' - Is it? What is this based on? How have you arrived at this conclusion? How long will this 'Phase' last? You don't actually have any idea do you? They are just words. Words said out of kindness and/or concern, but still just words. They are of little comfort when your tired little mind can't think past tomorrow. 

'How did they sleep last night?' - Just steer clear of this question at all costs!! If they had a bad night they will want to rip your head from your shoulders! If they had a good night just uttering the words 'It was OK' can be enough of to tempt fate and destroy your progress!

'This won’t last forever' - Genius words of wisdom. Things are tough now. It is hard to look past the current struggle when you are exhausted, trying to keep your head above the water. Thinking a few years down the line isn’t a top priority! Also, parenting struggles don't go away, they just change! Once we have got over this hurdle I am sure we will be faced with something new and possibly more challenging! 

Have you tried... -Yes! Personally I have tried absolutely everything short of acupuncture or hypnotherapy (although I have actually looked into both and even contact a hypnotherapist). Oh, and do NOT insult our intelligence by suggesting something as basic as a routine or dark room!

Mine slept through at... – However you end this sentence, it won’t end well for you. If it ends by you saying ‘3 months’ we will probably be ready to put a voodoo curse upon you! That's brilliant for you. Mine didn't. Lets leave it at that. Even if it’s the other extreme like ‘mine didn't sleep through until 5’…just lie! I am a lot happier being naïve and knowing there are a possible 3 more years of torture in store for me may just push me over the edge right now.

'She must sleep more in the day' or 'At least she naps' - Nope. And even if their child does nap (mine doesn't), it still doesn't make up for a full night sleep.

'She just wants to see you' - That's lovely but I'm not all that sure how much I want to see her at 3am dancing in circles around my bedroom. The extra midnight cuddles were great with a newborn. But I just need sleep now!!! 

'Sleep when the baby sleeps' - **falls off chair laughing** This is usually the ‘wise’ words of a non-parent! With a dog and toddler I have no expectations of an immaculately kept house. But there are a few key essentials that do need to be done like cleaning clothes, making food and occasionally cleaning myself!! In any brief moments during the day a child is sleeping there is a parent not far away darting about trying to catch up on chores. 

'It will get easier' or 'You will get through this'  - Cool. Thanks. I feel better now. NOT!!!!! Now where is the cake??

'Have you tried cry it out' - Some people find this really helps; that is great for them and I would never judge another parent for attempting it. But it is not for me. Seeing my child upset is horrible. I tried it but I just couldn't see it through. Also... my kid has the strength, stamina and determination of an Olympic athlete! She ain't giving up easily. In my only attempt she screamed at the top of her lungs for more than 3 hours. Meanwhile I cried for the last 2 before giving in…

You are making a rod for your back by... - You are probably very right, but right now I just need sleep and absolutely anything that will mean we all get some rest I will do. We will deal with all the rods I have collected in my back once I am a little less exhausted!! A fragile parent does not need any further guilt piled on them – they have already formed their own extensive list of things they feel guilty about.

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