Life after Boob! The toddler edition - How I weaned my 2YO

It's been a little over 25 months and I have absolutely loved our breastfeeding journey. I never set out to breastfeed this long, after a rocky start I hoped to make it to 6 months. Once we reached a year my husband thought it may be a good time to stop (Now you are 1) but neither LB or I were ready (and he was totally cool with that). Then in July last year after a break away with girlfriends (Girly weekend I thought our journey would definitely be over but low and behold within 20 minutes of being home my girl was latched back on. The break did make me think it was time to start cutting back, I had enjoyed exclusivity of my chest for four days! After almost 6 months trying to reduce feeding I was having little luck. The only way to go was cold turkey and I knew this was going to be tough! I feel lucky I have been able to feed my child for so long and guilty that I am stopping before she is ready, but I feel that this is the right time for me.

Saturday night pre-evening drinks, not quite what they were (14 months)

My main reason I’m looking to stop  - sleep! There are other personal reasons too, but mostly, we all need to start getting more shut-eye. Currently LB sleeps through about once a month (at best), with some nights still so bad nobody in the house gets more than a couple of hours rest. I am hoping that by stopping feeding to sleep and feeding through the night, LB will become better at settling herself and we can all sleep a little more. In all honesty, I am also getting a bit fed up of having my top tugged at in public, my nipples persistently tweaked and being treated like a film snack or vending machine as she sits back watching Mickey Mouse - off again - on again - off again - on again. 

There is so much information and help available when you begin breastfeeding (which is great and I fully support this) but I have found very little info about stopping. I know I am not the only one with a little person reluctant to get off the boob!? I wanted to share my experiences with cutting out BF. I am not expecting it to be easy, but as there is so little information – that I could find anyway – out there, I do hope our experience may give some insight to anyone else struggling. 

This is my diary of the first 5 days...

Day 1 - Monday (New Years Day) - Tough, but a lot better than anticipated

My Husband got up with LB. Ordinarily in the morning I would fetch her, bring her to our bed and feed and cuddle for an hour or so (losing this part of our day is probably the worst part of giving up!). I knew she'd be fine with Daddy as he gets up with her every Saturday and she doesn't mind missing her morning milk. Once I was up, between us, we managed to distract her. She was asking for milk, but was accepting substitutes. Then my husband went to football and I met my sister in town (more distractions). The day went far better than I expected. Yes she asked several times, pulled at me and sulked but it could have been a lot worse! And then bedtime! I knew this would be tough... Almost an hour of full on, non-stop, relentless screaming. She eventually exhausted herself and fell asleep sobbing. I left her room feeling utterly heartbroken. She woke at half 10 but after 90 minutes, a lot more tears and a small feed that she wrestled out of me she went back down till morning.

Day 2 - Tuesday - Night from Hell!

We went straight downstairs for breakfast, as Daddy was back at work we were back to just the two of us. There was a definite sadness in the air. I felt it too. My super-active, energetic, outgoing, happy girl was miserable. And it was because of me! I made a choice to take something away that she loved and she didn't know why. She kept asking but I stayed strong. We sat and watched films together and cuddled. She seemed withdrawn, definitely not herself (she was actually sitting down!!). I worried that this was all a big mistake. She wasn't ready. And it was going to alter her personality and have lasting affects (perhaps  a little overly dramatic, right?). Bedtime went in a similar fashion to the night before, maybe albeit a little less crying. But then around midnight things got really tough. Excessive screaming so loud it must have woke the entire street. She was physically fighting me to get to my boobs (which by now were full and painful). Nothing I said or did could calm her, I was in tears my self. I offered bottle, dummy, books, soft toys, all got thrown. My husband came down to help but his entrance angered her more, he left then she screamed even louder, he sat on the floor next to us as we wailed. I was close to giving in. This was horrible. I hated the thought of this beautiful experience we shared together ending in such a negative way. An hour had past and I was increasingly concerned that the neighbours would be reporting us for disturbing the peace. Eventually she wore out and fell asleep. 

One of many tantrums this week

Day 3 - Wednesday - Feeling like my child hates me

I woke up feeling complete shit, exhausted and devastated that I had caused my child this much distress…and doubting once again if this was the right time. We went straight down for breakfast and the sadness that was there yesterday had turned to anger. It was possibly the lowest point in my parenting journey so far. I felt like my child hated me. I took her to our fav coffee shop for cake, out on her bike and did arts and crafts together. Some of our favourite activities, yet she didn't crack a smile all day, not once. It felt awful. She was asking less but it didn't make it any easier. Seeing her unhappy sucked! I was already dreading bedtime. Then things took a turn for the better. We went up as usual and got ready for bed, I read to her and she fell fast asleep. The easiest quickest bedtime we have ever had. Maybe she was just so exhausted from the previous night or was it down to her cold? I definitely wasn't counting my chickens!! My husband and I had already decided to leave her for longer when she woke after the events of the previous evening. It couldn't be any less distressing for her. Well, she woke, but it was brief and she settled herself. She slept just over 12 hours. More than she has ever slept in her life. Maybe this wasn't wrong? Maybe things were turning round? Maybe? I wasn't ready to believe it could be that easy!

Now to sort myself out. I needed to pump. I was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. Again, I struggled to find much information. I didn't know how much to pump or when? I didn't want to get infected but I also needed to reduce my supply. I pumped about 60ml and felt a lot more comfortable.

Day 4 - Thursday - A better day

I woke up so much happy! I had 8 hours sleep for the first time in god knows how long! LB, for the first time, didn't ask for milk when I went to her. Instead we went straight down stairs happily and had breakfast together. I had some concern when she refused any drink but she opted for a cup of milk once she had eaten her breakfast. I even opted for a pre-pregnancy bra! It felt nice to have the ladies a little more supported! It was a much more positive day; we had fun together and I saw that smile that lights up my world again. Although she asked for milk before and after her nap it was the first time she napped without either milk (or being soothed by a car journey or pushchair ride) ever! I was feeling positive and hoping for another successful night! Bedtime went well again, not quite as quick as yesterday but still little fuss. The little lady did wake in the night, and although I did have to go down to her she settled well this time without asking for milk. Today was a win! 

Sent them both to sleep

Day 5 - Friday

This morning my girl woke happier than ever! She didn't even ask for my milk. She had a huge breakfast and we had a lovely day! A slight downer as I was accosted by my neighbour to complain about her crying. 'I am sorry, I am trying my best' and 'we are making changes to her bedtime routine to try and improve things long term' were not acceptable responses. I don't know what response she was looking for? 'I'm sorry I'll gag her tonight'? or 'Would you like me to slip a sedative in her bottle this evening'?! After a very long, hard week it felt really shit being made to feel bad about myself, especially when I was feeling so positive and proud of the both of us as to how far we had come in just 5 days! Bedtime went well again. All in all, despite the inconsiderate and unpleasant neighbours, I am really pleased with our progress. I don't believe this is the end by any means. If there is one thing I have learnt from my parenting journey it is - do NOT count your chickens! But I do hope we are through the worst of it and I am super proud of my beautiful girl for adjusting so well to this massive change. We are taking her to the toy store at the weekend to buy her a treat!! She has definitely earned it!

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