My next chapter - What happens when maternity leave ends
Thinking back to this time last year, I was getting ready to start my maternity leave. I was still enduring a lengthy daily commute, still staying late and working hard to leave everything as up to date and organised as possible. I was exhausted and fat but I was still giving 110% just as I always had. I loved my job, I wouldn't have worked so blooming hard if I hadn't!
I had written the obligatory letter stating how long I would be taking off and when my return date would be. I wrote that I would be taking the full year, I knew I could change this and I was honestly expecting to be back in 6 months. "I'll be bored after a few months" I told everyone, "I'll miss you all and miss working", "I don't want to just sit at home all day everyday with no adult interaction". I was quite sure I would be desperate to return within a matter of months.
Well I was a naïve fool! I have been non-stop since my little bear arrived, I have no idea when I thought I would have time to be "bored". The amount of times I have "sat at home all day" I could probably count on one hand. As for my work friends, I love them all, they are a great bunch of people who made going to work a pleasure, but if I'm completely honest [which is the ultimate aim of my blog] I haven't really thought too much about them since little one came in to my world, but then I haven't really thought too much about anyone other than her.
For the first few months of my little bear's life I didn't think about much else except for how completely in love with her I was, and how perfect she was. Well...apart from "is she too hot/too cold?", "where the hell did I leave my keys/ wallet/ phone?", or "did I lock/close the door when I left the house?" As time went by (far too fast), the question of what I was going to at the end of my leave kept coming up, and although my solution of "put that in a box and think about it another day" got me through another few months, eventually I had to make some decisions.
My husband and I spent several nights calculating how much it would cost in childcare and travel, how much I would earn if I went back part-time/full-time, what were our monthly outgoings and where could we cut back? After much discussion we came to the conclusion that we could just about manage financially if I didn't go back and we wouldn't be much better off if I did go back. My husband was incredibly supportive, although I knew his preference would be for me to stay home, he was adamant he did not want to sway my decision.
So now, all that was left to do, was for me to make a decision. Going back and not going back both filled me with dread! Leaving my baby girl would be heartbreaking...but leaving my career behind wasn't an easy decision either - it had been almost 15 years of my life! I'd worked so hard to get to the position I had when I left and, as I've already pointed out...I loved my job and the people I worked with. There were nights when I would be in floods of tears trying to work out what to do. I had no idea how hard this decision was going to be. Neither scenario felt right!
I had decided that returning full-time was definitely not an option. With the hours I did, and the length of my commute I wouldn't see my little one all week. I tried to discuss part-time options with my employers, but that didn't work for them. I couldn't help but feel a little pushed out by the company I had worked so hard for, but I had no intention of getting too hung up on it. Having my little girl has really put into perspective what is important in life and dwelling on something I couldn't do too much about was not worth my effort. Besides, an outcome where I get to spend everyday with my darling daughter is hardly the worst outcome!
So here it is, my next chapter, I am officially a full-time mum! Yes, some mornings when I've been up all night, the baby is being grizzly and I don't know why, the dog wont stop barking and I have poo on my top, I may beg my husband to switch places and wish it was me that was heading to the office. I sometimes still feel slightly conflicted inside, and who knows when I may decide to return to full time work. But for now I am loving every minute watching my beautiful baby girl flourish and I am grateful that I have the choice to stay home.
Please check out my Etsy Store - www.etsy.com/uk/shop/OneLittleBearLTD
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Follow me on Facebook - www.facebook.com/OneLittleBear/
I had written the obligatory letter stating how long I would be taking off and when my return date would be. I wrote that I would be taking the full year, I knew I could change this and I was honestly expecting to be back in 6 months. "I'll be bored after a few months" I told everyone, "I'll miss you all and miss working", "I don't want to just sit at home all day everyday with no adult interaction". I was quite sure I would be desperate to return within a matter of months.
Well I was a naïve fool! I have been non-stop since my little bear arrived, I have no idea when I thought I would have time to be "bored". The amount of times I have "sat at home all day" I could probably count on one hand. As for my work friends, I love them all, they are a great bunch of people who made going to work a pleasure, but if I'm completely honest [which is the ultimate aim of my blog] I haven't really thought too much about them since little one came in to my world, but then I haven't really thought too much about anyone other than her.
For the first few months of my little bear's life I didn't think about much else except for how completely in love with her I was, and how perfect she was. Well...apart from "is she too hot/too cold?", "where the hell did I leave my keys/ wallet/ phone?", or "did I lock/close the door when I left the house?" As time went by (far too fast), the question of what I was going to at the end of my leave kept coming up, and although my solution of "put that in a box and think about it another day" got me through another few months, eventually I had to make some decisions.
My husband and I spent several nights calculating how much it would cost in childcare and travel, how much I would earn if I went back part-time/full-time, what were our monthly outgoings and where could we cut back? After much discussion we came to the conclusion that we could just about manage financially if I didn't go back and we wouldn't be much better off if I did go back. My husband was incredibly supportive, although I knew his preference would be for me to stay home, he was adamant he did not want to sway my decision.
So now, all that was left to do, was for me to make a decision. Going back and not going back both filled me with dread! Leaving my baby girl would be heartbreaking...but leaving my career behind wasn't an easy decision either - it had been almost 15 years of my life! I'd worked so hard to get to the position I had when I left and, as I've already pointed out...I loved my job and the people I worked with. There were nights when I would be in floods of tears trying to work out what to do. I had no idea how hard this decision was going to be. Neither scenario felt right!
I had decided that returning full-time was definitely not an option. With the hours I did, and the length of my commute I wouldn't see my little one all week. I tried to discuss part-time options with my employers, but that didn't work for them. I couldn't help but feel a little pushed out by the company I had worked so hard for, but I had no intention of getting too hung up on it. Having my little girl has really put into perspective what is important in life and dwelling on something I couldn't do too much about was not worth my effort. Besides, an outcome where I get to spend everyday with my darling daughter is hardly the worst outcome!
So here it is, my next chapter, I am officially a full-time mum! Yes, some mornings when I've been up all night, the baby is being grizzly and I don't know why, the dog wont stop barking and I have poo on my top, I may beg my husband to switch places and wish it was me that was heading to the office. I sometimes still feel slightly conflicted inside, and who knows when I may decide to return to full time work. But for now I am loving every minute watching my beautiful baby girl flourish and I am grateful that I have the choice to stay home.
The day my life changed for ever, and everything
I thought I knew had changed...
Please check out my Etsy Store - www.etsy.com/uk/shop/OneLittleBearLTD
Follow me on Instagram - www.instagram.com/onelittlebearltd
Follow me on Facebook - www.facebook.com/OneLittleBear/
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