Stop asking...
This week I attended a new baby/toddler class. It is actually the third new class/activity I have tried this year since part of my New Year’s resolution was to make new mum friends (see blog: Time to Make Some Mum Friends). More on that at a later date, I did promise an update after all! Back to the aforementioned class. I always find these groups pretty awkward; same set off generic questions - baby's age, baby's name, is this your first – etc etc etc. But it was an opening conversation with a fellow mum on Wednesday that I found somewhat invasive, and it’s these types of questions that have bugged me for years!
Here's how the conversation went -
I had never seen or met this woman before, no names or baby names had been shared, no small talk about the weather or the journey here was exchanged. Straight in with - "Are you and your partner currently having unprotected sex?!!!" Obviously not her exact wording but that is technically what she is asking right? Well, I haven't really given it much thought. It certainly wasn’t something I wanted to discuss with a stranger. In fact, she made me feel pretty damn awkward and I am now questioning myself. Should I be thinking about having another child? Do I even want another kid? The one I have is quite a handful!
It got me thinking...why is it OK to ask people such personal questions about relationships and family planning? I'm sure we have all experienced it at some point? We've probably all been guilty of it too? I know I have. Why do we think it is OK to ask, so casually, such intimate details of other peoples lives? Is it just me that this bugs??
Surely these are decisions between the individuals involved and no one else's business? Why are we all in such a rush to move on to the next step? And for everyone else around us to as well? Why cant we just stop and enjoy the now? There are couples happily living apart, or that don't want to get married or have chosen not to have children. Parents may have their hands full with one kid (it’s not easy you know!), they may be happy with one or want to wait a few years before popping out another! STOP ASKING! You may be putting unnecessary pressures on individuals and/or relationships!
I know I am guilty of this, and I really try not to be as I know how annoying it can be. My little sister has just turned 30 (Happy Birthday Sis!!). I'm currently bugging her to get married and have babies. Then again, I have known her for thirty years and do know these are things she wants, and I feel like we are close enough that I can get away with being an interfering pain! (I should also point out she has a lovely boyfriend and is so great with Little Bear that I just know she would make an awesome mumma. Oh…and LB wants a little cousin to boss around since she is currently the one being shoved around by her older cousins!)
Can we all just take a step back? Whether it be career, relationship, home, child, hobby... or any other personal achievement. Just take a second to appreciate what you have, there are others a lot less fortunate than you. Think about what you have and stop worrying about what you don't have! Stop focusing on what everyone else is doing and stop asking when they are taking next steps. Everyone has there own path, we all need to do things in our own time…and how boring would it be if everyone lived identical lives?
Here's how the conversation went -
Other Mum: "Is she your first?"
Me: "Yes"
Other Mum: "Are you going to have another soon?"
It got me thinking...why is it OK to ask people such personal questions about relationships and family planning? I'm sure we have all experienced it at some point? We've probably all been guilty of it too? I know I have. Why do we think it is OK to ask, so casually, such intimate details of other peoples lives? Is it just me that this bugs??
New relationship? - "When are you getting moving in?"
Living together? - "When are you getting engaged?"
Just engaged? - "When's the wedding?"
Newly weds? - "When are you having a baby?"
Baby is a year old - "When are you having another?"
Happy being alone? - "Are you still single?"
Surely these are decisions between the individuals involved and no one else's business? Why are we all in such a rush to move on to the next step? And for everyone else around us to as well? Why cant we just stop and enjoy the now? There are couples happily living apart, or that don't want to get married or have chosen not to have children. Parents may have their hands full with one kid (it’s not easy you know!), they may be happy with one or want to wait a few years before popping out another! STOP ASKING! You may be putting unnecessary pressures on individuals and/or relationships!
I know I am guilty of this, and I really try not to be as I know how annoying it can be. My little sister has just turned 30 (Happy Birthday Sis!!). I'm currently bugging her to get married and have babies. Then again, I have known her for thirty years and do know these are things she wants, and I feel like we are close enough that I can get away with being an interfering pain! (I should also point out she has a lovely boyfriend and is so great with Little Bear that I just know she would make an awesome mumma. Oh…and LB wants a little cousin to boss around since she is currently the one being shoved around by her older cousins!)
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| Little Bear surrounded by all of her cousins |
I am worse when it comes to my own life, I always have been. Always looking for the next promotion, qualification, property. Personal and professional I just cant seem to settle! But I really do think I need to chill out and take some time to really appreciate what I have and enjoy 'now'. I feel pretty privileged – a lovely home, amazing husband, beautiful wonderful daughter, awesome family. So why have I been busy researching house prices in different areas and looking up "How to move to Australia". Why am becoming frustrated that I don't already have a fully-fledged business with a thousand plus Instagram followers? - BECAUSE YOU ONLY STARTED 5 MONTHS AGO AND HAVE A CRAZY ONE YEAR OLD TO TAKE CARE OF YOU LOON!!!!
Can we all just take a step back? Whether it be career, relationship, home, child, hobby... or any other personal achievement. Just take a second to appreciate what you have, there are others a lot less fortunate than you. Think about what you have and stop worrying about what you don't have! Stop focusing on what everyone else is doing and stop asking when they are taking next steps. Everyone has there own path, we all need to do things in our own time…and how boring would it be if everyone lived identical lives?
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| My awesome family - Enjoying a walk in the winter sunshine
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Well said!❤
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