Sexism since becoming a parent!

Of course, I knew my life would get 'flipped/turned upside down' (Fresh Prince reference!) when I became a parent. Fewer nights out, meals out, less sleep…you know the drill! One thing I had not anticipated though: sexism. Since becoming a mum I’ve felt a far greater pressure to fit neatly into a traditional 'female role', and my husband has had a similar experiences too (with male role obviously).

In the nine years my husband and I have been co-habiting I have always been responsible for all stereotypically ‘male’ jobs around the house. From hanging a picture or putting up a shelf to chopping down trees/bushes - it all falls to me. He does sometimes offer to help (and sometimes I let him!), but even then it is under my instruction. To be clear, he does do other things! He'll happily clean the kitchen or bathroom…he just hates (and is awful at) gardening/DIY.

And then, I became a mother...

One example of this 'gender stereotyping' happened just last weekend while I was outside scraping layers paint from our front door in preparation for painting (pretty normal Saturday morning activity for me!!). Within the space of an hour, two different neighbours asked - "why are you out here doing it and not your husband?" I laughed it off and carried on stripping (paint stripping!)... but as I thought more about their question, it annoyed me more and more!

There were several reasons why I was painting the door and not my husband...

1. Being a SAHM is great, but by the weekend I'm ready to hand our daughter over to Daddy for a few hours!
2. Scraping multiple coats of paint from a front door is actually significantly easier and less tiring than minding my little menace!
3. My husband’s work routine means he generally gets one hour with his daughter most days of the week (and by which point she's usually tired and grumpy!). He was enjoying quality time inside, in the warm, with her.
4. I would do a better job than my husband! As mentioned, not only does he not like doing DIY, he's also useless at it.
5. I want to do it!! I love decorating, painting, I love to be outside. I was more than happy stood out in the sunshine.

Prior to becoming a parent nobody had ever commented on such a thing. It wasn’t the first time I've received such comments since becoming a mother and as I said, it isn’t just me! My husband has received sexist comments too! I’m sure all fathers will experience the ‘is Daddy babysitting’ line at some point – which is a real shame. Others my husband has experienced include being queried as to why he was carrying LB in the baby carrier on a particular outing rather than myself, being asked whether ‘Daddy dressed her today’ (as if a father dressing his daughter was some kind of incomprehensible concept)…and perhaps most oddly, being informed by an elderly lady that he shouldn’t have used a Parent & Child space at the supermarket because they should really be renamed ‘Mother & Baby’ spaces!

I love that my husband is a hands-on dad! He is sweet and gentle…and most importantly loves spending quality time with his daughter and I think that's brilliant! Likewise, I have always been a pretty independent woman, raised by an incredibly independent and strong-willed single mother. I want my daughter to know that she is not limited to anything just because she is a girl! That she can play football or take dance lessons, climb trees and play in mud whilst wearing a tutu (or shorts!), she can grown up to be whatever she wants to be! And I’d feel exactly the same way if we had a boy. So I will continue to paint, fix, build, chop, prune. Not because I am female proving I can but because that's me! That's who I am, what I like doing, what I have always done. And that is the biggest wish I have for my daughter – she isn’t confined or restricted by gender stereotypes and gets to grow up being exactly who she wants to be.

I would really like to know if anyone else has experienced this? As it really wasn’t something I was expecting!

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