Making mum friends...The follow up!
Back in December I wrote a blog entitled 'Time to make some mum friends' and I promised a follow up. The reason it's taken me so long is because I have been so darn busy - attending new groups, meeting up with people I haven't seen in years, forming friendships over Instagram...I've even tried 'mum dating'! I have met some great new people and reconnected with some old friends. I have braved several situations well outside of my comfort zone and on the whole I only wish I had pushed myself a bit sooner!
In the original post I talked about the loneliness of being a new mum, my own insecurities around making friends and the difficulties of attending new groups and how intimidating they can seem. As well as for my own sanity, I felt I needed to get more social for the benefit of my daughter. As Little Bear doesn't go to nursery I sometimes worry that she will miss out on interaction with other children so filling our days with play dates and classes gives me reassurance that she is socialising with other children her age.
I've tried several new groups, of which Little Bear's favourite is definitely Tumble Tots. This is a kid that loves to climb after all, so she's in her element (except when it is time to sit down!!). But attempting a conversation with other mums is near impossible at the speed she zooms round. My favourite, without a doubt, is 'Welly Walks' - just a bunch of mums getting out in the fresh air and going for a walk. It's great for me as LB is usually strapped to me in a carrier, so no running off or saving her from whatever apparatus she's managed to scale! What's also great is that it is a group where all of us mums share a common interest - the outdoors. I love getting outdoors, whatever the weather, and exploring new places so its really is nice to find some like-minded mums.
After the last blog I was contacted by an old school friend. I felt a tad embarrassed, as if the blog was a cry for help from a sad lonely mum, which certainly wasn't my intention! But we met up recently and it was great fun - I can't wait to meet up again. She has 2 adorable little ones, real characters just like LB which is great for her! I've also met up with an old work friend a few times, its been great getting back in contact after all these years and her 3 little ones are just brilliant! The youngest is not much older than LB which is nice, and he keeps her in line!
I've also signed up to 'Mummy Social', a website for mums to meet up with other mums in the area. There are actually loads of different sites, but this was my favourite of the few I looked at. It did cross my mind - 'What kind of people are searching for friends online?'. But then I thought - 'Well me! And I'm pretty normal right?'. It was actually really reassuring - I wasn't alone, there are plenty of mums struggling with the same things as me, just looking for someone to pop along to the local coffee shop or meet up at the park. I would definitely recommend it to any mums feeling a bit lonely. There are loads of us, we don't need to feel alone or isolated!! I've had a couple of meet ups and meet some lovely other mums and their cute kids!
I must admit, it hasn't all been easy or straightforward, there have been negative experiences along the way. One afternoon I attended a 'Social' arranged by some mummies on 'Mummy Social', a gathering at the local soft play. I'm always pretty nervous in these 'new meet' situations, and to make matters worse I had arrived a little late as we were coming from swimming. I had spotted the group I had assumed I was meeting, approached nervously and smiled...but no-one acknowledged me. In the end I got too nervous to approach further and slid away quietly without any further interaction with the group I was there to meet. I shed a small tear in the ball pit but continued to play with LB and we had fun running around (so it wasn't a totally sad and wasted venture!). I definitely don't blame the other mums, they were chatting away and may not have even noticed me. If anything, I blame myself for being a little pathetic and not being courageous or assertive enough to go over and introduce myself more forcefully.
Instagram has been a great tool for support for my business and socially. There are so many brilliant mums sharing their stories and, just like the Welly Walk girls, I can find people with similar interests. I even met up with a group of local crafters! I was pretty nervous, it was exactly a week after the soft play disaster and I was feeling discouraged. I arrived with a list of excuses in my head to depart early. But I needn't have worried...they were a truly fabulous group, we spent hours chatting, it was a lovely afternoon. I cannot wait for our next meet up. There are also a few other 'Instamums' I intend to meet with at some point...but fitting things into our hectic schedule is always something of a challenge!
So there it is, my quest to make new friends has been a success. I have gained confidence in myself, pushed my boundaries, met people I would have otherwise never come across, reconnected with some wonderful mums I knew before we were mums, had loads of fun...and also eaten a lot of cake!! Most importantly - I've made some great new friends, kind, funny, and the kind of girls you don't worry if your hair is unwashed or if there's snot or yoghurt smeared on your top! People I can genuinely be friends with, and not just because we had sex with our partners around the same time! In a perverse way, even the negative experiences like sobbing on my own in a ball-pit are part of why I've found this process so rewarding. Pushing myself to try new things and challenging social hang-ups or anxieties I've struggled with my entire life, even when they don't go to plan, make me feel more confident in myself and more confident in my ability to be a strong role model for LB.
If you have ever felt lonely as a mum, do not sit back! Go out, join a group, take a class, try some 'mum dating'. Because there are tons of others sat back feeling exactly the same as you, and we don't need to be! And if you are local to Berkshire/Oxfordshire and ever fancy meeting up for a coffee or a chat, drop me a message, I'd be happy to meet you!
Please check out my Etsy Store - www.etsy.com/uk/shop/OneLittleBearLTD
Follow me on Instagram - www.instagram.com/onelittlebearltd
Follow me on Facebook - www.facebook.com/OneLittleBear/
In the original post I talked about the loneliness of being a new mum, my own insecurities around making friends and the difficulties of attending new groups and how intimidating they can seem. As well as for my own sanity, I felt I needed to get more social for the benefit of my daughter. As Little Bear doesn't go to nursery I sometimes worry that she will miss out on interaction with other children so filling our days with play dates and classes gives me reassurance that she is socialising with other children her age.
I've tried several new groups, of which Little Bear's favourite is definitely Tumble Tots. This is a kid that loves to climb after all, so she's in her element (except when it is time to sit down!!). But attempting a conversation with other mums is near impossible at the speed she zooms round. My favourite, without a doubt, is 'Welly Walks' - just a bunch of mums getting out in the fresh air and going for a walk. It's great for me as LB is usually strapped to me in a carrier, so no running off or saving her from whatever apparatus she's managed to scale! What's also great is that it is a group where all of us mums share a common interest - the outdoors. I love getting outdoors, whatever the weather, and exploring new places so its really is nice to find some like-minded mums.
 |
| Welly Walk buddy's!! |
After the last blog I was contacted by an old school friend. I felt a tad embarrassed, as if the blog was a cry for help from a sad lonely mum, which certainly wasn't my intention! But we met up recently and it was great fun - I can't wait to meet up again. She has 2 adorable little ones, real characters just like LB which is great for her! I've also met up with an old work friend a few times, its been great getting back in contact after all these years and her 3 little ones are just brilliant! The youngest is not much older than LB which is nice, and he keeps her in line!
 |
| LB making new friends |
I've also signed up to 'Mummy Social', a website for mums to meet up with other mums in the area. There are actually loads of different sites, but this was my favourite of the few I looked at. It did cross my mind - 'What kind of people are searching for friends online?'. But then I thought - 'Well me! And I'm pretty normal right?'. It was actually really reassuring - I wasn't alone, there are plenty of mums struggling with the same things as me, just looking for someone to pop along to the local coffee shop or meet up at the park. I would definitely recommend it to any mums feeling a bit lonely. There are loads of us, we don't need to feel alone or isolated!! I've had a couple of meet ups and meet some lovely other mums and their cute kids!
I must admit, it hasn't all been easy or straightforward, there have been negative experiences along the way. One afternoon I attended a 'Social' arranged by some mummies on 'Mummy Social', a gathering at the local soft play. I'm always pretty nervous in these 'new meet' situations, and to make matters worse I had arrived a little late as we were coming from swimming. I had spotted the group I had assumed I was meeting, approached nervously and smiled...but no-one acknowledged me. In the end I got too nervous to approach further and slid away quietly without any further interaction with the group I was there to meet. I shed a small tear in the ball pit but continued to play with LB and we had fun running around (so it wasn't a totally sad and wasted venture!). I definitely don't blame the other mums, they were chatting away and may not have even noticed me. If anything, I blame myself for being a little pathetic and not being courageous or assertive enough to go over and introduce myself more forcefully.
Instagram has been a great tool for support for my business and socially. There are so many brilliant mums sharing their stories and, just like the Welly Walk girls, I can find people with similar interests. I even met up with a group of local crafters! I was pretty nervous, it was exactly a week after the soft play disaster and I was feeling discouraged. I arrived with a list of excuses in my head to depart early. But I needn't have worried...they were a truly fabulous group, we spent hours chatting, it was a lovely afternoon. I cannot wait for our next meet up. There are also a few other 'Instamums' I intend to meet with at some point...but fitting things into our hectic schedule is always something of a challenge!
 |
| Insta Friends!! What a lovely happy bunch |
So there it is, my quest to make new friends has been a success. I have gained confidence in myself, pushed my boundaries, met people I would have otherwise never come across, reconnected with some wonderful mums I knew before we were mums, had loads of fun...and also eaten a lot of cake!! Most importantly - I've made some great new friends, kind, funny, and the kind of girls you don't worry if your hair is unwashed or if there's snot or yoghurt smeared on your top! People I can genuinely be friends with, and not just because we had sex with our partners around the same time! In a perverse way, even the negative experiences like sobbing on my own in a ball-pit are part of why I've found this process so rewarding. Pushing myself to try new things and challenging social hang-ups or anxieties I've struggled with my entire life, even when they don't go to plan, make me feel more confident in myself and more confident in my ability to be a strong role model for LB.
 |
| Picnic after a walk along the river with the Welly Walkers |
If you have ever felt lonely as a mum, do not sit back! Go out, join a group, take a class, try some 'mum dating'. Because there are tons of others sat back feeling exactly the same as you, and we don't need to be! And if you are local to Berkshire/Oxfordshire and ever fancy meeting up for a coffee or a chat, drop me a message, I'd be happy to meet you!
Please check out my Etsy Store - www.etsy.com/uk/shop/OneLittleBearLTD
Follow me on Instagram - www.instagram.com/onelittlebearltd
Follow me on Facebook - www.facebook.com/OneLittleBear/
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