'Is she good?'... and other annoying questions people ask when you have a new baby.

When you have a new baby the same questions come up over and over - some of which, I found, really bloody irritating! Please excuse me for my irritability, it is possible I am being irrationally exasperated due to sleep deprivation. It is also possible I am not alone though (maybe you, as a parent, were also bloody exhausted and sick of annoying small talk and silly questions)!

Anyway. Here goes! Please let me know if you concur or if you have any more to add...

'Is she good?'. 

I've been asked this on several occasions with reference to both my babies.  Every time it makes me feel quite uncomfortable and I struggle to know how to answer. For the record, replying - 'No' is quite the conversation killer!

Me and my super chilled 2nd baby 

My first baby was perhaps not what one would class as 'good'. She was very unsettled, rarely napped and wouldn't sleep longer than 90 minutes at a time. My second child, so far, has been a lot easier. She's super chilled! A complete contrast. I love my girls equally, I love how different they are, I don't think either are 'better' or 'worse', 'good' or 'not so good'. But when you've been screamed at for an hour, you're surviving on a few hours sleep and you've started to feel like your baby obviously hates you! Being asked 'Are they good?' can feel quite a loaded question.

My 'Not so good' baby!

A baby that is unsettled or a difficult sleeper isn't a bad baby. It is normal for a newborn to cry, their tiny tummies mean they will wake regularly to feed. Waking regularly is normal and keeps them safe. It doesn't mean they are not 'good'! In fact they are good! They are doing everything they should be! You are doing everything you should! You are both fab! 

'Is she sleeping through?'

No! Of course not! Please don't make me doubt myself in this very difficult and vulnerable period! Most babies will not sleep through until 6 months at the earliest, a lot will not sleep through until 12 months and beyond! I'm still waiting at 3 years and 3 months! Thankfully people have finally stopped asking me! Do not ask a new parent if their baby is sleeping through. Please. 'Are you getting enough sleep?' - Also worth avoiding. Or explaining how tired you are because you had a late night or a busy day or went to the gym.

No. 2 dosing on a bench as big sis plays in the park!

'Are you loving every minute?'

This is another question loaded with guilt. Its perfectly normal and understandable to NOT love every minute. It's tough, really tough. Of course there are moments so magical you want to stop everything and shed a tear of happiness and feel thankful and truly blessed for how lucky you are. But there are also moments you want to scream in to a pillow or sit in the corner in the foetal position slowly rocking back and forth! And that's ok too!

Fell asleep exhausted and got 'decorated' while sleeping

Special morning snuggles with my girls! (Photo credit: Big Sis!)

'Did you have a natural birth?'

Birth, in my experience, isn't pretty and rarely goes to plan. Even if it does there are some people you may not want to share these intimate moments with. i.e. the lady at the local shop! I found people I barely knew would ask me about my birth. I think a natural birth is what a lot of women aspire to, how ever it is often not possible or realistic. I ended up having 2 emergency C-Sections. Far from the natural births I had planned! It's a very emotional topic for many, I feel disappointed that I didn't get the birth I planned both times, I don't need to be reminded I wasn't able to have the birth I wanted!

'She is so tiny/big!'

If you haven't had a child recently you may not be aware of  the 'Centile growth chart'. To catch you up - It's a graph where you (well  - Health Visitors/Midwives/GP's) plot your baby's weight and age and check they are following 'their' curve. The chances are at some point a new parent has stressed out about this chart. It's something that massively stressed me out first time round as my baby dropped on her curve (twice) and I had to go to fortnightly weigh-ins for 6 months (each time feeling nervous and slightly judged)! My second child went up on her curve very quickly - turns out they're not so worried about that, but then again it could be because I'm not a first time mum (there was definitely far more pressure and involvement first time round).

There is a lot of pressure for new parents when it comes to their baby's weight, especially if a mother is breastfeeding. By pointing out their baby is 'big' or 'small' you may be fuelling concerns the parents may already have!  

'Can I come meet him/her?'

People that ask to come over too early! The first few weeks were reserved for those very close family and friends I felt comfortable being totally vulnerable with! Those I didn't care that I was still in my PJs at 4pm and my house was a mess and my toddlers nappy was dangling around her knees! If a friend/ family member would like to see you they'll let you know. Let's not make them have that awkward conversation having to say 'no', or have you round when actually they would really appreciate some quality time with their new little family.